The words spoken by Jesus in Luke 6:31 and Matthew 7:12 “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, is generally referred to as the ‘Golden Rule’. This Rule can be applied over a range of situations: 1. being merciful vs. being unkind, 2. loving vs. being apathetic, 3. forgiving vs. blaming, 4. selflessness vs. being selfish.
In considering point number 4 “selflessness”, family life gives a good entry point for a practical look at implementing the Golden Rule. For most of us, it is within the family that we tend to break or at least bend the Golden Rule. If that is not the case for you, and none of your family members tend to annoy you or push your buttons and you never get impatient with them, can I join your family? Or perhaps we can trade some family members.
The following list, highlighting aspects of selflessness, can apply within families, but it can also apply to relationships with neighbours, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. It can help you to examine your relationships with your family and others, from a positive perspective:
- If you can take criticism or blame without resentment when the other is at fault.
- If you do not retaliate when others take out their frustrations and say cruel things to you when you are not at fault.
- If you are quick to comfort others, even after being ignored.
- If you are accepting even when others have shut the door.
- If you are always there to greet family members when they come through the door.
- If you are always cheerful and can resist complaining about your troubles.
- If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time.
- If you never engage in gossip.
- If you never pick sides in an argument.
- If you immediately forgive even when others are in the wrong.
- If you can let go of the day’s anxieties.
...Then you are probably the family dog. Now whatever your reaction to this list is, the family dog sets a pretty high standard of selflessness.
Jesus sets an even higher standard when he said “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, turn the other cheek, give the shirt off your back, loan to those who cannot repay you, be merciful as your heavenly Farther is merciful. Do not judge or condemn but forgive.” That’s a lot, isn’t it?
Even though we have heard this many times before, it makes us uncomfortable because it is such a high standard and we know that Jesus not only taught these words but he lived them.
Newfoundlanders have translated the Golden Rule into “Newfinease” and have applied it to strangers. It reads as such: “Help those in need as you would wish to get help if you were in need”.
When I was starting to build a new deck on my house in Newfoundland, my 84 year old neighbour who is a master carpenter came over and said, “I will help you build a deck on one condition, you pay me nothing”.
When the battery went dead in my Newfoundland car, as soon as I popped the hood, a stranger stopped and gave me a boost.
A tourist in Newfoundland asked, “Where can I get a cup of coffee?” to a fisherman on the wharf. He in turn said, “Go up to the house there, Edna will make you a coffee”.
When the US airspace was closed in 2001 during the attacks on the World Trade Center, hundreds of airliners with thousands of American passengers were diverted to a little town in Newfoundland (Gander) with no accommodations for them. Hundreds of Newfoundlanders up and down the coast welcomed them into their homes and fed the Americans on their own dime, during the period that the air space was closed.
In February 1942 during WWII a black sailor from Georgia, 18 year old Lanier Phillips was courageously rescued from the rocks at the bottom of a cliff during a blizzard from the shipwreck of the US destroyer, Truxton. The hatred in his heart was replaced with admiration and dreams of a future as a result of the love and respect shown to him by white folks in St. Lawrence, Newfoundland. With his new positive viewpoint and ambition, he went on the become the first black sonar operator in the US Navy and spoke across North America to adults and children how the love and respect shown to him in St. Lawrence, Newfoundland changed his life. Lanier Phillips received an honorary doctorate degree from Memorial University in Newfoundland in 2008 in recognition of his contribution to racial harmony.
Now in Newfoundland, as in the rest of North America, a generation of non church goers has grown up without being taught the Golden Rule. We can all hope and pray that they will return to a Christian community.
When I was growing up in a coal mining town in Nova Scotia, the miners sat together in a seat at the back of the church. One was missing an ear, one had his face burnt and one was missing some fingers. Their version of the Golden Rule was: “If I am trapped in a mine after a cave in or an explosion, my fellow miners will come to rescue me, so I will face death to rescue them in a mining disaster.”
As a teenager, I toured the coal mine workings underground behind the mine manager, a friend of my family. He saw five men killed in front of him while working underground, with the first being his father when he was 14 years old, working as his father’s helper.
Now, back to the family dog. The family dog sets a pretty high standard of selflessness, but Jesus’ standard is even higher. It seems the Golden Rule is the basic very minimum entry level standard to become a disciple of Jesus. Jesus’ entry level is so high it seems like the Golden Rule obligation is like squeezing under the door. And yet most of us struggle to live the Golden Rule.
I took entry level psychology 101 as a science elective at Dalhousie University 55 years ago. There is a principle called “The Fundamental Attribution Error”. It is not a spiritual principle but comes from psychology and it can help us in our struggle with the entry level standard of the Golden Rule. The Fundamental Attribution Error is the tendency that we all have to attribute the negative behaviour of other people to their character while attributing our own poor behaviour to the situation.
For example: If someone cuts you off in traffic you might conclude that they are careless, reckless and should have their licence revoked. But if you cut someone off in traffic you can attribute it to the fact that you got stuck in traffic and are late for an appointment. Also, that person in front of you is going so slow you have to get around them. So, you don’t judge yourself as reckless, careless and inconsiderate.
The Fundamental Attribution Error explains why we tend to hold other people accountable for their actions while giving ourselves the benefit of the doubt. Or we can say we blame the other person based on their external actions but justify our actions by the circumstances of the situation. As we extend to ourselves mercy, we condemn others on their actions which goes against the Golden Rule.
The point is, even this entry level step is difficult for us as human beings. So how are we to obtain Jesus’ standard of loving our enemies as he did? As disciples of Jesus, we have to come to the decision that if we want the world to become a better place it has to begin within us. So, we have to end the cycle of envy, hatred, violence, judging and unkindness toward our enemies.
These things need to be replaced by each of us with love, consideration, patience, forgiveness, mercy and generosity towards our enemies. In other words, to make the world a better place we need to become more like Jesus. Each one of us.
To become more like Jesus, we must acknowledge that we need the help of the Holy Spirit to even do the minimum required. When we ask Jesus for his forgiveness what we are doing in effect is asking for his mercy. Jesus’ standard and his examples are very challenging, but it should be clarified that living the standard doesn’t mean that we have to become a doormat to perpetually nasty, inconsiderate people. A lifetime is short, and we should spend most of our time with people who are a positive influence on us. When all efforts are exhausted, sometimes we must terminate an unhealthy relationship as a last resort.
But we should continue to pray for them and wish them well, even from a distance. In this regard there are seventy-one verses in the Bible which tell us to associate with good people who will make us grow spiritually.
We are tempted to apply the Golden Rule to human standards, and even the family dog’s standard would challenge us to a significant degree, but Jesus’ standard of selflessness and forgiving is much higher.
We want to be inspired by the many saints who lived Jesus’ commandments well throughout the ages and like them we want to become like Jesus. We become more like Jesus by acknowledging our need for his mercy and forgiveness and we need a whole lot of help from the Holy Spirit.
In closing may this Lenten season bring you closer to our most merciful Lord.
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